Time flies, it feels like just yesterday when I wrote the tribute for my
dad, yet it's almost a year ago, so much can happen with in a year, I was just
reading it now & while everything still remains true & relevant, one
very crucial part is missing, my mom.......................
Am I supposed to change it into past tense now that she's gone, am I to
edit it, am I to just leave it there to reflect what was happening on the
ground just a year ago.............. Anyway, I digress...... So the crucial
part of our puzzle called life is gone, exactly 5 months ago today
(15.01.2018), she took her last breath, & that signalled a beginning of a
life we had never envisaged for ourselves. A life without her, a life
without........................ Ok this is meant to be a happy post, once
again, lemme regather my thoughts.............
My dad remains the head of this family, he remains
the focal point of our lives (my sisters & I), our conversations are
centred around ensuring he is happy & comfortable (given the circumstances),
with mom gone, that responsibility falls solely on us. My dad to date inspires
me for his integrity & for his principles. My dad sticks to his principles
despite the cost, he sticks to what he believes in to the end and he ensures
that you are aware of his position on anything such that there is never any
ambiguity.
I will make one main example which has stuck to me to date. When mom
passed away, there was never any doubt on where she would be buried, this was
because we had been taken to the site before (long time ago) & my parents
both told us that "this is where we will be buried", at that time, I'm
pretty sure I rolled my eyes & thought to myself, "we are supposed to
travel this far to bury you"...........When this happened, much as my dad
has repeatedly told us that he thought he would go first & not my mother,
we honestly didn't doubt where burial would take place, at my dad's home
village in Wanyere, Musoma, Tanzania. There seemed to be a general expectation
that burial would take place in Morogoro since that is where my dad established
his base and that is where our home is, but when those thoughts came up from
all corners & attempts from few close pple were made to convince my dad of
this, my dad made it clear to everyone that had doubts of his plans, that he
and his wife had discussed this before and that burial would take place in
Wanyere. I won't lie & say I wasn't hoping that the plan would miraculously
change so that we bury in Morogoro, of course because it would have been closer
in terms of travel & logistics & not requiring us to make further
travel arrangements by air from Dar es Salaam to Mwanza and eventually Musoma.
But truth is, I was aware of the burial plans even during good times, I just
couldn't believe that the time for burial had now come. I respect my dad for
seeing this plan through, I also respect that scary as such conversations are,
he actually had such conversations with my mom time and again. I've learnt of
families that do not discuss this between themselves, which brings so much
doubt when death does decide to knock on your door.
In our current conversations we've acknowledged that it would've proven
to be quite a nightmare for us had he gone first because, maybe just maybe this
plan/wish may not have gone his way because as women only, we may have faced
difficulties seeing it through, but God somehow saw it befitting to take my mom
away first and us witnessing the logistics and plans to fruition such that when
his time comes (& we pray that is NOT any time soon), there is no ambiguity
whatsoever on where he is to be buried.
After burial, my dad received a lot of respect/accolades from his
people, people who had honestly resigned themselves to the idea that since he
lives "overseas" he wouldn't find it befitting to bury his wife back
home at his village. He was showered with words of blessings from elders in the
family, priests, relatives neighbours etc, words of encouragement by his
people, people who genuinely appreciated this act of humanity of my dad
choosing to be buried at the same place his own parents were buried. Through
the pain, my dad was beaming with pride & feeling the connection with his
people & somehow during that sad moment of our lives, I appreciated my dad
& I understood his decision & I respected the way he stood for what he
believed in despite the pressures he was under to do the easier option. At the
end of the day, the essence of a man is his principles and his ability to stick
to what he believes in without being shaken by external forces to bend over to
pressures.
The second thing that I admire my dad for is his honest outlook on life
& his positivity which in turn gives me hope for tomorrow. Given we live
far apart, some 700kms apart, hence not always easy to see each other, he
accepts that his wife is gone, I was having a conversation with him the other
day and he said, my child, my wife is gone, but I'm thankful that I have kids
that do not require me to stress over them, my wife left me with
"unburdensome" kids. He said, "what would have killed me faster
in this life is if I had kids that would constantly be requiring me to be
worrying about the status of their lives, schooling, work issues etc", he
said "im thankful that you are leading your own lives, you are
independent, your futures look bright" he said, "if I should die, it
will be because God thinks it's time & it won't be because my kids are
burdening me with their issues, which at this point, without your mother, I
wouldn't be able to handle". He said "I enjoy my job, it keeps me
busy, it keeps me distracted and I'm doing what I love and I'm thankful for
that"............................ His positivity, his faith, his cheerful
nature, keeps me cheerful & keeps me less worried about him His smile, so
genuine, so soft, so positive.............. We continue to celebrate milestones
together, despite the pain, we continue to trust that God has a plan.
My dad remains my hero..... happy father's day dad
