Tis the season to be jolly

So its been a long year, very long, not sure whether a great year, but lots happened, lots that one could have done without experiencing, & lots that one can only smile when thinking about them. Made new friends, had loads of fun with great people, when i think of this year, i want to smile, smile coz the moments shared with special people were frozen n kept in a special place, friends were discovered who will forever be treasured. It wasn't the greatest of years, but lets face it, i'm here i'm alive, i have people around me that love me to death, what more could i ask for.

I have people around me who constantly worry about me, people around me that constantly want to ensure that i'm smiling, honestly what more could i possibly ask for. I'm grateful, grateful for the very special people in my life. I smile everyday, not because my life is perfect, but because of the potential that lies ahead, because of the love i receive from the lovely people that surround me. The people who keep me grounded, they know themselves, u r forever treasured in my heart.

My pictures don't lie, they show a great year was had,  a year that despite all challenges, fun was had, special moments were shared, fun times were experienced. I thank God that despite all challenges, i'm still standing, I couldn't possibly have been here without His grace. My friends, they keep me sane, my son, makes me a crazy mom, my husband, allows me to learn everyday, my special parents, I love them  to bits. I am thankful to God that I still have those special beings in my life, they keep me grounded. God has been faithful...........

An Epic Weekend- A friend's wedding- Photos galore

So i had the most amazing weekend, I was part of something so beautiful, part of a great memory, part of a lovely friendship. It was a friend's wedding, a wedding that resulted in great new friendships being formed & reinforced old ones. The photos suggest that we looked like angels, we indeed felt like angels. We shared excitement, laughter, memories, we shared craziness too. It is 4 days later now & all we have are photos, a thousand photos, lovely memories, we made sure to capture every moment, never mind that there was a photographer assigned & paid to do that, we had to do our own photography, one that wd allow us to access the photos immediately & boy didn't we do it thoroughly. I'm sure we taught the hired photographer a thing or two about photoshoot, poor guy had to capture some of those crazy moments, i doubt he has had to capture such. Which leads me to the Ipad, i love that gadget, takes the worst photos when the lighting isn't good, but with good natural light, the gadget takes brilliant photos and the one thing i love the most is that u can take as many photos as u want without it needing that looooong turnaround time that ur normal camera will need, hence u're able to capture the important moments quickly. That gadget exchanged so many hands, yep, whenever we felt the need to have a moment captured with us in it, we just gladly handed it to someone and politely uttered the words "please take a photo of us, just click here, click as many times as possible", yeah, i'm kinda used to making such requests, the request is of course always accompanied by faith, faith that the person clicking actually knows where to focus, faith that the person clicking has actually included ur face in that photo, faith that the person's hands won't be shaking so that the photo is clear, yep it is always by faith.

One thing i'm happy about is being able to just be happy with my equally crazily happy friends without having to make excuses about it. Just pure clean fun, fooling around, no seriousness, just fun, relaxing, childlike fun. At first i'm sure those watching us were thinking, this can't be real, those ladies can't be seriously be sitting on the floor with their fancy dresses, wait a minute, yeeep, they r sitting allright, wait wait wait, that wasn't the worst of it, but slowly some of them joined us for our crazy photoshoot. The bride was happy to comply too, & boy didn't she just look amazing. You would actually be amazed how amazingly beautiful those photos r, unique yes, but definitely beautiful and on another level. forget the pout, forget the model like poses, this is just sheer brilliance. It is one thing to sit & recall the happenings of the weekend which of course lead to a smile, it is quite another being able to scroll through photos & actually relieve what actually took place over the weekend. Many joined us in our crazy photo sessions, one wd be lying if they said fun wasn't HAD. I'm thankful for a lovely weekend, a memorable weekend, my friend's wedding. 

Chemistry, or lack thereof.....

Have u ever not shared chemistry with someone, not clicked with them,not found any bit of anything in common with them & even if there was, what does it matter, the point is, u share no chemistry, u just can't stand them, their presence, their voice, their jokes, their aura...everything. What am i asking, of course u have. How do u deal with such situations? Do u force urself, do u manage to share a room with them, do u manage to force urself to laugh at their unfunny jokes, coz lets face it, when u don't click with someone, any jokes they attempt to share will never be funny. Does the problem lie with the person u don't share chemistry with or is it with u who shares no chemistry with them that has the problem? Is it easier to pretend? Can u pretend to laugh when deep down u really don't find the "funny"? Besides common courtesy of being polite to them, do u owe them anything beyond that? Should u force a friendship with someone u don't click with? Should u be blamed for not going further than demonstrate common courtesy to someone u feel u can never be friends with if called upon to do so? Should it take much effort to click with someone? Is there need for something to have happened to cause the lack of chemistry or is it possible for it to just be automatic? Mmmmhhhhh, ok clearly i don't have the answers. What i know is, it happens, sometimes the chemistry just isn't there.......U shouldn't have to force it, if its not there, it just isn't there.......

Friendships, laughter, the best medicine........

Do you ever take stock of the people you call friends, do you ever wonder if they value you as much as you value them, do you think you value your friends enough, do you have a criteria for choosing friends, what kind of behaviour do you look out for when considering being friends with someone, do you even have friends, or need them for that matter?????

Personally i’ve found that the easiest way to be friends with me is humour. Simple as that, if you lack it, let’s face it, we won't b friends. If you misunderstand my humour, it is that simple, we won't be friends, if I have to occasionally explain what I meant when I said something, clearly you don't understand me, we can’t be friends. Each time I've found myself being questioned about what I meant when I said something in social networks, I simply apologized, then unfollowed the person from my profile, so that I wouldn't be tempted to make the same mistake again.  Humour with me comes naturally. Once you possess humour, we can move on quite smoothly from there. After all, if we are to spend time together, there has got to be humour shared right, no matter how serious the situation is. Laughter makes the heart merry, laughter makes the world go round, laughter makes you forget about any drama that may surround you that has taken over your life, even if for a second, laughter soothes the soul. If you can have someone to share laughter with, someone who can make you laugh genuinely, someone whose jokes you sometimes recall & find yourself laughing to yourself, you have found a friend.

I do time & again find myself in situations where I have to respond, comment & unable to do so without being sarcastic, yet at the same time knowing very well that the person I have to respond to, won't get me or worse, take offence..... When this happens, if possible, I do turn to my friends for intervention to respond on my behalf & pray their wisdom will manage the situation. I do restrain myself time & again when faced with a serious situation. Rest assured though, if I have to restrain myself when responding, you r definitely NOT my friend.

Loyalties can come later, sharing memories can come later, but first & foremost if we can share laughter, we r truly on a road to a potentially great friendship....... Say cheers if you have a friend you know makes you laugh..........

Learning a language

So they say we learn until we die, and when it comes to a new language, it is indeed true, everyday you discover new words, everyday is a learning experience. Learning a new language is not easy, i may sound fluent, i may even sound like a local, but the process of learning is not an easy one, people do not make it any easier for you. You have those who will constantly laugh at u when u make mistakes, both written or verbal. There was never a need to write in foreign language but now with social networks, there r those who will laugh at u for misspelling.

The truth is, u cannot learn a new language unless u're brave enough to make the mistakes and learn from them. Some words have the same spelling but different pronunciation, depending on context. One thing for sure, it doesn't feel good to be laughed at when you pronounce wrongly, however there is a learning experience from that, i learn how shallow people actually are. Lets assume u r my friend, or u r in my circles, u r privy to the information that i am not a local, yet u expect me to speak like one, or even better, is this a reasonable expectation? Do you think a person actually learns after you've laughed at them, or they only learn just how shallow u r.

I suppose learning a language is voluntary, it isn't forced on a person, i have peers who have lived in the country longer than myself but hardly speak the language, n luckily in Swaziland unlike Tanzania where i come from, u can actually survive without having to speak the language. So in that regard i guess i chose to learn to speak the language. Within 2 years of my stay in the country i was speaking broken Siswati already. One thing i can tell u is that this particular language or possibly most Southern African languages rnt the easiest to learn due to the clicks and other difficult words. Mastering how to pronounce those clicks is an almost impossible task at first. But it is a wonderful journey as well, u learn more about urself while learning something new, u learn how resilient u can be, the ability to quickly switch between the languages can be fun at times.

We normally do this with my sisters, where we can quickly switch from siSwati to Kiswahili if there is need to have a private conversaation without having to move away from the crowd. Of course the downside to this is that sometimes u think u're speaking a different language only to find that u r actually speaking the local language n people can understand u, or sometimes u speak to a fellow Tanzanian in siSwati, yes u can turn into the joke of the day. U learn to be bold, u learn to stand ur ground. Noone is perfect, the people who claim to be perfect in speaking the language cannot themselves even write in that language, why then should a foreigner be criticized for having that same fault?? Is it funnier when a foreigner makes the mistake?....... #foodforthought

The 100kms Challenge

On one of the weekends of March 2014, an idea called the 100km challenge was suggested, we were to run a total of 100kms within 3 days, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. We were to do 47kms on the Friday, 32kms on Saturday & 21kms on Sunday. The initial response from me of course was, i'll see..... I knew i wanted to take part but i didn't think i could take part in all 3 days, my greatest fear at that point being of course that i might find myself running by myself after everyone has left me since i knew i wasn't one of the stronger runners. I had to be realistic & think ahead. I committed to take part on the first day and then see how it goes.

A wonderful soul called Lungile Zulu sold this idea very wonderfully to me, she pleaded with me to take part in all the 3 days, in turn promising to run it with me every step of the way. Now i knew she was lying, no runner has ever kept that promise ever, it is the most famous trick in the book really, to promise another runner that you'll be with them every step of the way, just so they can take part, then come Dday, u leave them. Anyway, i agreed to go to Day 1, and didn't commit to the rest of the days. Another fear i had was fatigue, my legs had done so much mileage in this month, they had not had time to relax and recover.

Anyway, Day 1 came, we left before the rest of the group, which is a normal thing especially when you know that you do not run the same speed as the others, so we left at 4.00a.m i believe. The route was from Fitness Zone Manzini, Tiger, Mahhala, UNISWA, Lobamba, Parliament, Mahlanya, then back to Manzini using the old highway. As we approached Lobamba (approximately 18kms from the start) i could feel that i was getting tired, mind you, this was not even at halfway, I was beginning to lag behind from the other runners that we had started the run with. I started complaining that i'm beginning to feel tired. That crazy runner who promised to nurse me all the way kept saying, don't worry, you'll finish the run. I even called my driver and told him to meet us at Lobamba filing station so that we could load the car with supplies and for me it was more so that i could have a backup plan, in case i felt i wanted to bail out of the run.

Sometimes it is necessary to have Plan B, sometimes it is actually what you need to keep you going. I don't think it is a sign of weakness, for me having Plan B gives me more comfort to take up a challenge. Other plan Bs include always having money on you when embarking on a long run, in case you need to take a bus due to fatigue or sickness or even buy a drink along the way for hydrating, another plan B is having a phone on me during a long run, to be able to call for help in case it is needed. Funny enough these plan Bs i equip myself with have been of more assistance to others than they have to me.

So back to the challenge, as we went up Parliament, the crazy runner i was with slowed down n ran next to me. We got to Lobamba filling station, hydrated, did the normal break thingi, then kept running, as we approached Mahlanya, the bigger group started catching up with us, eventually all of them left us and we kept on moving forward. From Mahhala to Manzini it was just Lungile & I who were left behind ohh & some other guy who decided to crawl with us, i repeat, that Lungile is one patient runner, kept lying to me, telling me how close we are to the finishing point, she did everything in her power to just distract me from the very tough challenge that we were putting ourselves through. We chatted, laughed, took selfies, occasionally stopped and hydrated. Without getting into the finer details, lets just say, I completed the run, with my crazy runner beside me... Day 1 was done & dusted, and i found myself committing to Day 2, probably because this crazy runner had done such a good job ensuring that i was well taken care of.

Day 2 came, again we started earlier than the rest. The route was from Fitness Zone, Fairview, Ludzeludze, then back to Manzini. This was a very painful run, the legs were tired from the previous day's 47km run, it was a veeeeeeeeeery slow run, but the crazy runner next to me again made it somehow bearable and fun, if there is anything like fun when going through pain. As usual, the rest of the group caught up with us, left us as usual, but we kept moving. Our usual Plan B was around to give us support together with another Plan B that the team had provided. Again, one thing led to another and i found myself committing to Day 3.

Day 3 came, the usual happened, but the relief here was that, this was to be the last day of the challenge. We chatted, we laughed, we took photos, chatted some more. It was the slowest 21km run i have ever done but funny enough, we took fewer breaks this time, probably because we had so many stories to share. I do remember that on one of the stories we shared, i even shed a tear, ah yes, the wonders of running. So after some good 2-3 hours of running, Day 3 was done, and we had done a 100kms in 3 days. That crazy Lungile Zulu ran next to me the whole 100kms, this was to be one of the running experiences i will never forget. I conquered a challenge, i shared the experience with someone who has become a very special friend. The famous quote "It always seems impossible until its done", seems very befitting.

Being a Fruit Salad....................

I call myself a fruit salad & here is why. My mom is Malaysian, my dad Tanzanian, which makes me a Tanzanian of course. Oh and I've live in Swaziland, and married to a Swazi which now makes me Swazi. Ohh yah and my parents currently live in Lesotho & that is purely for work purposes. I hope that wasn't too confusing. Of course when people hear about my parents, the next question always is, "where did they meet????", well, that is a story for another day............ My parents moved to Swaziland in 1994 as they both got employed in Swaziland, and moved to Lesotho in 2006 to date. 

To many I can pass off as a Swazi, especially because I speak the language. Others of course would normally question first on where I come from, either because of my facial features or when they hear my first name, or when they notice my long hair or whatever else. Of course me saying i'm from Tanzania wouldn't quite give you a complete answer but unless you dig further I normally wouldn't volunteer the information that my mom is from Malaysia. My hair normally gives it away, but most of the time it is tied up so many don't figure out that I have quite long hair. The few smart ones of course always ask when they see my hair on where I come from, & again, the answer "I am Tanzanian or Swazi" would normally not answer that question to the fullest, & again, if you don't ask me where my mom is from, I would not volunteer that information. Oh yah and for those who assume i'm a Swazi, the minute I have to mention my name "Nyakwesi", the eyebrows quickly get raised coz this obviously then begs the question.... "Where are you from"?? & that would be the kindest response to my name by the way, others would normally have the guts of actually laughing and asking ridiculous questions like "what kind of name is that"?, which I always find offensive, yes it is an unusual name, but it is my name all the same, hence you ought to treat another human being with respect. U wd think I wd b used to this by now given I have endured this for the longest time, especially having to live in foreign land. People can be plain disrespectful, I always associate it with not being exposed to people from other countries. While I do realize that my name is unusual/ unique, you ought to be able to hide the ridicule on your face and save it for when I have moved from your face.

Ok so back to my fruit salad story, so i've 2 sisters, n I am the one who can pass off as an African the most, the others do look more on the Indianish side or Asian side. I only look coloured or mixed race or whatever you want to call it, after one finds out that my mom is from Malaysia, or after one finds out who i'm sisters with. Without having heard that little piece of information, I can pass off as a Swazi. Off course I am a Swazi now by marriage, but lets face it, Swazi or not, the minute I have to mention my name to a stranger, often it has to be followed by an explanation on which part of Swaziland that name comes from. Back in secondary school when I started my Form 1 boarding school, it took less than an hour for the whole school to know that there was this Tanzanian who has joined the school. I suppose by now I should be used to always be "the different one". In primary, we attended an english medium school and the school had predominantly Arab and Indian students and there my mom was referred to as Chinese, so we were these kind of Chinese kids. In high school I joined another school and now I could speak Siswati, I got to experience new people altogether, of course my name immediately implied I wasn't Swazi, and to some very unsmart people, the assumption quickly becomes that I cannot speak the language, and of course if you would speak to me in English I would respond in English, imagine those who would then quickly gossip about me in siswati assuming I could not understand. Ah yes, being a foreigner can be quite an experience.

Often I have to travel to either Tanzania or Malaysia, and in either country we always look like foreigners. Some 2 years back on travel to Northern Tanzania to visit the memorial sight for the late Mwalimu Nyerere, we were required to pay a fee on entrance. There was a different fee for locals and a different fee for foreigners of course the fee for foreigners was very steep. It was me, my mom, dad, my husband and my sister. The Tanzanians here were my sister, myself, my mom & dad. But their quick concern of course was my mom, who is evidently not Tanzanian, then myself & my sister, at no point did they even suspect my husband to be the foreigner. My dad quickly told them that the "Chinese" woman is his wife, which then cleared her, then quickly declared that we were his kids. My husband who does not speak Kiswahili kept quiet and went with the flow, do remember that if he would have had to respond, they would have quickly known that he wasn't Tanzanian. So we all paid the fee for local people, which should tell you that "assumption is the mother of all.........." according to one famous movie.

Ah & then another interesting observation, some people only befriend you after hearing that you have some Asian blood in u, I know it sounds strange, but ya, you get to experience people who are only interested in being associated with you because of the fruit salad effect. To their disappointment i'm sure it is always sad to find out that I actually was born & raised African and don't quite conform to common expected tendencies. I thank my parents for the way they brought me up because i've never found myself having to bow to peer pressure, i'm quite happy the way I am....... If you are my friend u should be able to understand this.One thing I always find offensive though is the fact that you would claim to know me  or even be my friend and not know my background, yes i've had a few of those... Some time I would be walking with my mom & I wd have to answer to someone on who she is supposed to be n what our relationship is, and then u claim to know me.

On another note, it appears our kids will become another generation of salads of course, i'm imagining my niece, nephew n my son one day saying, my mom is Tanzanian, my dad is Swazi, but my grandmother is Malaysian, hhe hhe hhe hhe. Anyway, speaking of which, my niece one day had to do a composition at school about her family. The teacher in question knows my sister (niece's mother), I suppose she assumed my sister is either Indian or Swazi since she goes by her marital surname...... So my niece narrates that her mother is Tanzanian, then teacher gets confused, your mother is Tanzanian, how???? Remember my sister looks more Indianish and now the teacher hears that she is actually Tanzanian, then my niece goes on, my mother is from Tanzania, she is a Keregero because my mkhulu (grandfather) is Tanzanian, also a Keregero lol lol lol, teacher gets even more confused, and niece goes on, my gogo (grandmother) is Malaysian..... At this point I believe the teacher requested that my niece brings her mother to school so she could verify this movie-like story with her mother......I found this to be toooo hilarious. Ah yes, fruit salad it is.......

Being Pregnant 2013- Anything but amazing

Many people say different things about this experience. Some say it is a wonderful feeling, it is amazing, bla bla bla bla. I think it is anything but amazing. There is nothing amazing about not knowing what you want to eat yet you know very well that you are very hungry, there is nothing amazing about when you finally figure out what you want to eat, hardly a minute thereafter you either feel like throwing up, or worse, you throw up, there is nothing amazing about being tired all the time, especially if you generally were an active person. There is nothing amazing about getting constant headaches or back aches or feet aches when you are hardly ever sick when not pregnant. There is nothing amazing about getting constant comments from fellow women about how ugly you look with your swollen nose, or fat face or fat self in general. Sometimes i wonder why women are so cruel, is there a point in telling me i am fat when there is nothing i can actually do about it. I swear, some people derive pleasure out of just saying this out without thinking of how hurtful this actually is. There is nothing amazing about not feeling like you want to leave your house, there is nothing amazing like calculating your movements just in case the nausea hits while you are away or the hunger hits when you are not in the comfort of your home, your worse still, the hunger hits when you are no where close to shops. There is nothing amazing about having to plan your meals ahead of time so that the hunger doesn't find you foodless. One time in my first trimester i had to attend my sister's graduation, ya i couldn't last the 2 hours, luckily my mom had a packet of marie biscuits nearby, and i munched away. Another time in my last trimester i had to attend a wedding, oh yes i went there prepared, had my lunch box in my car, after about an hour of festivities, i just walked to my car, got comfortable and ate away. This is sooo not how a normal human being is supposed to behave. Suddenly your own body controls you!!! Suddenly i could not walk at my normal speed, or could not walk from one point of the mall to the other without feeling soooo soo tired.

When i was pregnant i envied those women who you hear about who say they found out they were pregnant when they were 5 months or even 8 months. I'm not sure how this is possible, but all i know is that, if u are to find out about your pregnancy at 5 months or even 8 months, basically it means u're not experiencing any major body changes, like nausea. The nausea just killed me, half the time u go around with a frown on ur face, bcoz even ur saliva feels yukkkkkkkk, and because you are feeling this way, u don't want to be out there mingling, you prefer being in your own space where you can whine to yourself and throw up if you have to. Funny enough though, contrary to what some other women go through, i actually loved taking photos while pregnant, not because i loved the way i looked, but i suppose for me taking photos is about freezing memories really, the photos do not necessarily have to be shared with anyone, just for myself.

I did not have the luxury of finding out about my pregnancy after the 1st trimester. In fact i found out in the beginning of the 2nd month. My body just changed, i'm a runner, i run on average 10kms everyday, but suddenly one day 10kms felt like a marathon, i told a friend about this, n she said maybe my body is tired i should rest. The next day i was back at running, felt serious fatigue again, and in my head i thought, i must be pregnant. On top of that, suddenly by 9a.m i would be so hungry, something which was not a normal thing with me. I have my tea in the morning after my run, and only eat at lunch time, but suddenly i needed food immediately i got to work. 4 days later on the 2nd of March 2013 i ran a marathon, it was during this race that i was convinced that indeed what i suspected could be true, that remains the slowest marathon to date i've ever run. I just took my time and took it very slow, managed to complete that marathon, which would be my last run until after delivery. The next day i was in the doctor's waiting rooms to get tested, and indeed............

After i found out, i didn't return to running, doctor said i could still run, said i don't have to push myself too much, i should tone it down but i can continue running, but ya not with that nausea. For the first time in my life,i couldn't eat meat, i couldn't drink fizzy drinks, i couldn't eat sweet things, this was the most torturing experience ever. I couldn't even eat rice, there were days i would only eat pap & avocado or chakalaka. Sometimes i would laugh at myself & say, God has a great sense of humour..... & then you have the experience of people touching your stomach, i would think maybe only the close people would do that, but nooooo, even the not so close people do that, it feels so weird, ohhh no, actually the most weird thing was when a total stranger asked me whether its a girl or a boy, like hello, dude i don't know you.... 

I repeat,  there's nothing amazing about this experience.  However,  it is unfortunately a necessary experience in life,  that said,  ill probably go through it again. Lord have mercy.

My Comrades 2014 Experience

It started with a dream. Sometime around October 2013, the month when i started training after having delivered the month before. This is just around the time when Comrades registration for the following year closes. I had to gamble with my thoughts n register myself for the race, farfetched as the idea was. I told noone about this, but of course the comrades website will never let you keep any secret for long coz soon enough the information goes into a public forum where everyone can see you have actually registered for the race.

Could i do it, should i do it, i'm a new mummy, is it even possible to achieve this milestone with only 8 months training, were the questions that went through my head.I had been off running for 7 months, wd it be insane to put my body through this "ultimate human race"!!. The first marathon after i resumed training was the Pnp marathon in Jburg on the 10th of February, followed by the PWC 3in1 marathon in Nelspruit on the 1st of March, then the Loskop ultra marathon in Middleburg on the 12th of April n eventually the Slow Mag marathon on the 27th of April. In between these there were long runs from Malagwane to Manzini, Oshoek to Lozitha, Oshoek to Manzini (which i didn't complete due to illness).

I've done the comrades before, i knew what it meant going to that race, the pain, the fear, the challenge, the difficulty, but i wanted to just be part of the spirit of the race. Never at any point did i imagine i could complete that race because i did not think my fitness was at the same level as it was in 2012 when i went for my 1st comrades. I didn't tell anyone i was going to the comrades, i didn't want pressure, i didn't want the glances of shock, the expressions of fear added on to me coz i knew already what i was getting myself in for. When i mentioned to hubby i didn't say i'm going to complete this race. I told him, i don't think i can finish it especially within cutoff time, but i would like to be part of this ultimate human race spirit, and please do not stop me. When i feel weak i will stop and get into the rescue bus, and i foresee this happening at 60kms, if i still feel i can go on, i will do so, if i can't i will not feel ashamed to get onto that bus, he agreed n supported me. I love that man.

I had enough fear within me, hence couldn't share this plan with anyone else lest they add more pressure. The day came, i walked to the start, on my own, waited for my teammates to leave our lodge, i saw them off, and after they were gone, i prepared myself and went to the start. It was very lonely, as usual, The national anthem came, then shosholoza, then the chariots of fire, i wondered, what the hell am i thinking even being here. The race started, within about 5kms i met up with a fellow Swazi runner, Lungile Zulu & then a couple of other teammates. Little did i know that i would run this race with this special lady up to the finish. While i insisted i'll try hold on to her company for as long as i can, she kept insisting that we're taking this to the finish. I wasn't dreaming of the finish at this point, see this race is a very long race, i told her i'm taking it one bite at a time. For now my focus was reaching the halfway mark then assess how i was feeling at that point.

That place called 1000 hills is very vicious, those fierce hills are unforgiving, of course the consolation being that when you reach halfway, Drummond, the hills ease off and u start seeing a few of the downhills. While climbing those hills i could feel my right knee starting to ache bitterly, as it did in 2012 at this same race, n i mentioned to her, ya my knee is starting to hurt, we kept moving. At halfway mark, i looked at my watch n we had done 6 hours, I told my mate, if we continue the way we've been running, we won't finish this race within 12hrs, the assumption being that the 2nd half of a race shd take u longer than the first half given u're tired. All the 12hour buses left us while we were still around 30km mark, of course these buses run a quite a fast pace in the beginning and if you're not used to the pace it isn't quite favourable to join them.

We had only 6 hours to spare to complete the last half of the race. We strategized n agreed to push, we motivated each other, we kept looking at the watch, yes that very special watch, even counted with our fingers how many kms we need to be at if we are to even dream of finishing. Downhills came, the mission was that we will run fast down those hills, n run until an uphill came, then we can walk the uphills. We sprinted thru those downhills, knees throbbing, toes hurting, took painkillers, drank water, energade, coke, u name it. We caught up with all the 12 hour buses which had all left us before the 30km mark. We caught up n left all 5 or 6 of them one by one, n we agreed that worst case scenario if we fail to keep up our pace at least we'll join one of the buses towards the end. Every km counted. We ran pole to pole if we had to. We agreed at some point that when we get to water point we grab n run, no stopping. We did the maths after each hour we spent on the road, kept analyzing how much we needed to push to be able to finish the race. May i mention that the watch we were using wasn't ur top of the range watches. This was just a STOP WATCH, the only thing it was telling us was how much time we've spent on the road, the rest of the maths we did in our heads.

We took more pain killers at some point then we ran, n ran, n ran, we even discussed having to meet after comrades n just have an all fat meal to just discuss the happenings of the race. When we had 4 kms left, we met up with 2 fellow Swazi teammates, who then joined us to the finish. As we entered the stadium we held back tears, we cheered, we ran. Got to the finish, cried, hugged, thanked each other with Lungile, cried some more. This was a very special journey. A journey i shared with someone that has become a very special friend. Before this race we ran a 3day 100km challenge together 2 months ago, but that was just a fun n very slow run where she convinced me to take part by promising to nurse me throughout the 3 days if i committed to taking part in the challenge, n boy didn't she just keep her word.

This was the real deal. We kept motivating each other that no stopping, no need to save the knees, this is what we had been training for all this time, let the knees get injured, we'll sort them out at the finish. 11hours and 40 minutes spent on the road from Pietermaritzburg to Durban. THE ULTIMATE HUMAN RACE. Thank you for a wonderful race Lungile. This was one hell of a journey, i cldn't have done it alone. To my parents who always believe in my madness then my special husband who has to watch me put my body through hell, occasionally having to babysit, listen to me whining, the list is endless. THANK U. Without my husband's support this would be truly impossible. He is such a wonderful man. To my friends, those who are always cheering me on, regardless of the madness i put myself through, i thank you. It means a lot.

When i started training in October i weighed 76.8kgs, & before i went to the Comrades i was weighing 66kgs, i lost 10kgs in total within 8months of training, same as i weighed before i had my baby. Suddenly the famous quotes like "it always seems impossible until its done" seem true. The ironic thing is that i was doing this race for the 2nd time & my fellow runner was doing it for her 1st time, but i was more worried of not being able to finish than she was. I think the changes one goes through as a woman do impact greatly on one's fitness, hence my worry. My 2012 comrades experience was equally surreal but i remember it to be a very lonesome journey considering this time around i had familiar company with me. There is some kind of security that comes with knowing that you have someone familiar near you, someone you can whine to about the fatigue, the hurt etc. Back in 2012 i remember wanting to cry when my knee started hurting just around halfway through the race. I kept fighting back tears until i met up with the 12 hour bus which i stuck to til the end.

I have in my possession 2 comrades medals and the belief that where there is a will, a way surely can be found. I have been running for about 6 years now, but i do not remember putting my body through such hard training as i have between October 2013 and May 2014, the most intense months being March and April 2014 of course. I was always the last in my crew, always needing nursing, always needing to be fetched. My main aim during these training sessions was to lose weight and i knew that if i trained with the crew that is going for comrades the weight will definitely go off. In my mind during training i would tell myself, i may not get to the end first but i will eventually get there. Training is teamwork, and through the help of the training with my team i was able to achieve this unthinkable comrades finish. This medal is dedicated to my baby Zawadi Motsa who was 9 months old the day i ran the race.

Lessons Learnt

• Training is teamwork
• You do not need to be a fast runner to be an exceptional runner
• If you put your mind in it, you will achieve
• Never be discouraged by the people around u, listen to ur heart & ur support system
• Not everyone who claims to be your friend will be happy about your victories
• For the new mummies out there, where there is a will, there definitely can be a way
• You do not owe anyone any explanation for doing something you love
• Never say never
• It begins with one foot in front of the other
• The victory you will experience after completing that run will stay with u forever, noone can take that away from you
• Some people have genuinely good hearts, they go out of their way to keep you motivated
• By doing what you love, you inspire people around you without being aware of it

Running after Pregnancy

I had my first child on the 31st of August 2013. Since finding out i was pregnant, in March 2013, i stopped running & only returned in October 2013. My last run was at the Vaal marathon on March 2nd 2013. Many people who heard i was pregnant kept asking me, "don't u miss running?", and for me this was a very tricky question to answer coz all i felt like doing during pregnancy was throwing up & sleep, i had no energy for anything, this despite the fact that i was a very active person pre pregnancy. Hence my response was "i am always tired, i have no energy to even go to the gym so i can't miss running coz i have no energy". The doctor had actually said if i had been active before there is no reason y i shd stop if i still feel up to it, but yah i didn't feel up to it so i stopped completely, i couldn't even get myself to run the half marathon at the 2 oceans marathon which i had registered for let alone the friendly walk, i just decided instead to go there for holiday, since tickets & accommodation were already booked.

Anyway months passed, i watched myself get fat, i think i enjoyed having a very valid reason to not be active & having a valid reason to get fat. Of course with that came the snide comments from people who basically celebrated my weight gain, almost as if they never enjoyed seeing me reaping the benefits of being active. People would literally give comments like "finally, u'll lose your fit body", when they heard that i was pregnant. I thought these were very rude comments but i smiled for the most part, it took quite a lot of energy to do that & not respond rudely. But i think this was what fuelled my need to return to running. Comments like "now u'll experience how tough it is to train when you have kids", or "u will never be able to run again until ur child has grown", again i always smiled whenever these comments were made.

I had a normal delivery, rested for 6 weeks and in October 2013 i hit the gym for the first time in 8 months, i started slowly with the help of a trainer & some friends who made sure i didn't rush into it. Doctor cleared me for running but i delayed the return a bit. Got my heart rate up, then joined the running team but with the slower runners where i started by walking, then worked my way up from there. It wasn't easy but i had to keep focus. The support from my family was amazing. Actually, my mother at 4 weeks after childbirth, asked me "when r u going back to gym", this after seeing how much junk i was consuming while sitting at home on my maternity leave. This was also a very encouraging factor coz i had thought i wd have to hide from my mother when i returned to gym. As for my friends, i never told anyone that i was back into training coz then you have to deal with judgemental people saying "the baby is still young", or the most common comment "running burns breast milk, what will the baby feed on". None of these deterred me, i trained during my maternity leave &i breastfed successfully.

February 9th 2014, just 5 months after having a baby, i ran a marathon, the pick n pay marathon in Johannesburg. The aim here was to finish. I had to keep telling myself "just put one foot in front of the other", no matter how long it was going to take me on the road, i was going to complete this marathon, which i managed to do in 5hours 35minutes. I was sooooo proud of myself. I wonder if it ever gets easy to run a marathon, 42.2kms on the road can never be easy. Now imagine running that marathon 5 months after having a baby. I did not get a medal coz i completed it after cut off time, but i was very proud of myself for having reached the finish line.

March 1st, 2014, 6 months after having a baby, i ran my 2nd marathon, the PWC marathon in Nelspruit. The painful part about running is that' for u to gain fitness u've to go thru the pain, n boy didn't i feel the pain during this race. I've never run through such heat before, i'm sure temperatures rose to about 34degrees on this day and the course that was meant to be a flat or downhill course turned out to be quite a hilly course which challenged me even more. I completed this run with an even better time than the marathon before and i was super proud of myself.

The problem with being a runner is that u're always in competition with urself. People think if u've run the comrades marathon before, doing a 42.2 will be a piece of cake. Truth of the matter is, if u do not train, nothing comes easy, u reap what u sow. I ran a number of other long runs after the PWC marathon, then also did the loskop marathon in April 2014 which is a 50km race, then the slow mag marathon a few weeks later, then the ULTIMATE HUMAN RACE exactly 9 months after having my baby. When i returned to running after having a baby, i found that the dynamics had changed. I had to start from the bottom, work my way up, not rush myself, keep my focus on the goal, the goal was to gain fitness and just keep running, made new friends along the way. I won't say it was easy, believe me it was not,it was anything but easy, when u r always the last one in a run, when u r always the one that needs to be nursed and fetched and looked after. But i found that i'm a very strong person mentally, none of this deterred me, probably because i always had plan B, our team is made up of many sub groups, which is a great thing in that, if u're too slow for ur group u can easily just move down to another group. I rediscovered how easily i'm able to adapt to different groups as well, how easily i am able to interact with different people.

For me, the main goal is really to just keep running, It doesn't matter who i share the road with, as long as i keep running. I am not a fast runner, i will not even attempt to claim to be one, i will never be a fast runner, i am just a leisure runner who dedicates time n effort to fitness. To all those that made this possible, i thank u, to all those that encouraged me, i thank u. To all new mothers, keep in mind that anything is possible as long as u set ur mind into it.