Not many people have to deal with this reality but some of us have always had to do it. I live in Swaziland, my parents live in Lesotho, my father's family in Tanzania, my mother's family in Malaysia. So whichever way you decide to turn the coin, there is family that we are living far away from. This kind of setup makes any goodbye scenario very difficult at any given point in time because that may very well be the last time you see that loved one and if it is not the last, they'll be lucky if they see you within the next 3 years. The goodbyes in Malaysia are always the hardest coz it normally takes years to go back there. I've been to Malaysia 5 times if i recall correctly, in 1996, 1999, 2003, 2012, 2014, actually make that 6 times, if we can count the time while i was still a baby back in 1982. Now imagine the gap between 1982 - 1996, when we went to Malaysia in 1996 for the first time, they had last seen me as a baby, suddenly my mom comes with 2 more kids & they naturally thought my youngest sister was me. My mom had lived away from home for 14 years before she went for her first visit.
On the other hand, we've been able to visit Tanzania more frequently, not enough but at least more frequently than Malaysia, of course because it is closer hence not as costly as going to Malaysia. Living away from family means that if you will one day receive a late night call and see the foreign number from either countries, u know something has gone wrong, actually not wrong, there is just death involved. So u're always praying not to receive such calls. Thankfully we now have social media, and one won't understand the value of these unless they have lived far from family, have schooled or worked somewhere other than the place of residence, or have traveled a bit and the only way to link with those in the other circles is through social networks. I chat frequently with my parents on fb, whatsapp etc, my youngest sister saw my baby for the first time through skype, she couldn't travel to come and see us until about 3 months later.
My parents now live in Lesotho which is some 650kms away from where i live, so that is some good 7hours drive. I suppose they're still closer than if they were say in Tanzania where one would require a flight ticket. The reality is, when you are me, you don't get to say things like "i'll pass by my parents' house on my way from work just to say hi", there is no parents house, well not anywhere close, To get to parents' house, clear logistics have to be arranged. You don't get to go home for time out, for that home cooked meal, for that quick chat with mummy or daddy. Ok this was supposed to be sharing of experience but suddenly its turning into a sad affair. Mmmmmmmhhhh.
When i had my babies i had no mummy around to do the normal motherly things (God knows what those are), just as when she gave birth to all her kids, she had no mother around to see her through. I suppose naturally you learn to be strong and survive within the circle you live in. My parents have learnt to live through the news of death of loved ones. You can't always be able to attend all the funerals either due to financial constraints or work issues (getting days off). Even if you can, you probably won't make it before burial. Even if you have the means, sometimes circumstances will not permit you to go, you then have to weigh the cost of going against the time you will be able to spend there. My mother couldn't bury my grandmother (her mother) when she died, because she died around exam time at her workplace (my mom's a lecturer), she had to finalize marking the exams and submitting results then supplementary exams as well, if she had forced her way and travelled to attend the burial, she wd've had to probably return within a week. She only managed to go home a few weeks later and spent a month. Truth of the matter is, this is a very dull consequence of our very own life choices. We chose to live far from our parents, well, when we were making the choices we didn't think this wd be the consequence. You think u're falling in love, living the dream only to find you've settled yourself in foreign land, a land far away from home. Life choices for you.
The holidays are coming up, those are normally the painful reminder once again of the life choices one made. My parents naturally will always travel to Tanzania or Malaysia for the holidays, i've travelled there too a couple of times, but not always, at least being able to travel to either Tanzania or Malaysia for Xmas has granted me that luxury of spending Xmas & New years with my parents. The years i've been unable to travel, like this year, well, that means i won't be with them, neither will i be with my sisters.
The holidays are coming up, those are normally the painful reminder once again of the life choices one made. My parents naturally will always travel to Tanzania or Malaysia for the holidays, i've travelled there too a couple of times, but not always, at least being able to travel to either Tanzania or Malaysia for Xmas has granted me that luxury of spending Xmas & New years with my parents. The years i've been unable to travel, like this year, well, that means i won't be with them, neither will i be with my sisters.
Living far from my parents and sisters has taught me to appreciate every second i have with them, appreciate their presence, make every moment count, make special memories, share special holidays, acquire wisdom from them, take lots of photos, anything to make the memories sweeter. Next time you complain about how far your home is, referring to a place that is probably 30kms from where you stay, note that some of us do not have the luxury of having our parental homes so close to us. Our support system is made up of the loved ones we live with & the few reliable friends we have. By God's grace........... Be grateful...................
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