Was
thinking earlier today how it has been quite a while since I last jotted a few
of my thoughts, feelings, experiences, whatever you may call it, not that I
didn't have anything to say, on the contrary I have plenty to say, I had a
whole lot to say but life has a way of having its way..... There was a time
about 5 months ago to now when I needed to just pour out my feelings, but doing
that would have meant me breaking down thoroughly, because there is no way you
can go through a tough time, talk about it, and NOT shed a tear or two, or even
more. Sadly that was the same time when, much as I needed to shed a tear or
two, I needed to still remain functional, I needed to only cry when I could
afford to, rather than when I needed to, that meant, postponing the tears to
when I got home after work, because you can't cry all the time no matter the
need to, you cry when you are left with no other choice, but that means drawing
attention to yourself while at the workplace or anywhere out there so long as
it is NOT at home. It is for this reason I discouraged people from calling me
& asking me how my mom was, I discouraged people from hugging me, I preferred
texts, at least with text messages, I can read the message, draw strength to
respond & respond when I have that strength if I don't have that strength
right away. Talking to someone on the phone meant them asking me how I am or
how mom was, then me crying while I try to figure out how what to say without
becoming a spectacle to the people around me. It was a very tricky moment,
still is, but I’m trying to find my feet, everyday presents new challenges, but
God’s grace remains with us..................
To be Continued................
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