My Son, a reminder that God is at work

You see when i look at him now, i get confused, i get mixed feelings, i am overwhelmed with gratitude, at the great wonders of God, at how He can just turn a situation around. One day while going about my business, oblivious to how that day would end, I was 7 months pregnant, woke up, went about my business, didn't feel too well, drove myself to the clinic in Mbabane, some 35kms away, drove back to home in Manzini after being cleared by a nurse since i didn't find my doctor that day, by the time i got home i felt terribly unwell, requested to be driven to another clinic in Manzini, a clinic i had never even been to before. Got there, in hardly 10 minutes i was rushed into the delivery room because lo & behold, i was in labour. When the Doctor told me "the baby is coming", i thought to myself, how??? Just yesterday i was telling people that i'll deliver in 2 months, and now i'm in the delivery room, how???? I couldn't even fathom the condition of the baby at that point, neither could the doctor because he had never attended to me before so everything he was hearing about my situation was for the first time, all he could do was deliver the baby and hope for the best, hope that what i'm saying that i'm 33 weeks pregnant, is actually accurate, but the main point was, they couldn't stop the baby from coming. At this point i had bought nothing for the baby, literally nothing, because hey, i was due in 2 MONTHS..... The baby was born, at 2kgs, the tiniest baby i had ever encountered and yes he was my baby, i couldn't run away from him. To this day i cannot forget how tiny he was, at that point your hope is basically placed on your faith and the doctor's hands. After delivery it took me some goood many hours to even tell my friends that i was in hospital and that i had given birth already, because i couldn't believe what had just happened between waking up that Saturday morning and that afternoon. 

We stayed in hospital for a month............ I look at him now, i honestly i cannot forget where we come from, sometimes tears fill my eyes. Yes i look at him, the way he is so naughty, the way i am already considering taking him to creche because at the rate he is going, i swear my helper is going to run away from me. The point i am making is, God never fails. I have seen Him at work, i see Him at work. Whenever i look at Zawadi Amukelwe Jackson Motsa, i know God is at work.

Pre Race Anxiety

I hate the week before race, honestly, i almost can't recognize myself during that week. U can't really train as  hard as u normally do, or rather sometimes u shdn't even train at all, if u do, u do it minimally, so u wake up and just feel useless. On top of that u just crave for everything under the sun, the junk, the food, the sweet drinks, everything u are NOT supposed to take. And then suddenly u feel sick, sometimes u feel like u r coming down with a flu, sometimes a fever, you just can never put your finger on it. Then the injuries. Suddenly every niggle u've ever felt, feels like its real, suddenly u even feel like u r limping and hurting and not sure whether it is real or just in your head, yes sometimes even the back starts hurting, something u have never experienced before. Add on to the that the negativity around u, people going to the same race as u, also worried about the same things, worried about whether they'll make it, or whether they are well enough to take on the race, and that just throws you off completely. Ah yes, the week before a race, i can never get used to that anxiety. But as usual, i'm always joyous, smiling, as if "I know what i'm doing", as if i'm saying "I've got this", yet deep down, i am burning in anxiety, in deep worry, i even wonder sometimes "how do i get myself into such predicaments?".............. Right now i am supposed to do this thing they call hydrating, i hate drinking water, in this case i have to drink only water and not my normal fizzy drinks. It tastes like feet, i hate it, but yes if experts say hydrate, who am i to say no..... Then they also say you must carbo- load.... I don't mind carbo-loading, if what they mean by that is that i shd eat anything i want...... Ahhhhhhhhh i hate pre race week

The hand of God at work... Blessings!!!

Its been a while... I guess i've been too busy doing damage control in this thing called life. Yet somehow i've come out of it stronger and highly motivated, I have seen the hand of God at work, i have witnessed His grace, I have pulled through... Had a rough phase between the months of September to December. Those I was in contact with got to hear of it, and kept motivating me to press on, be patient as they would say. I wasn't willing to spend any more time feeling sorry for myself, walking out seemed a better option, especially when you spend your day in an environment which constantly pulls you down and leaves no room for you to breath and appreciate the goodness of life. It became a battle of surviving a day, then a week, then a month........ This isn't what one spent their lifetime dreaming that their adult life would be like.... 2015 came with new hope, and great beginnings. Through this experience I have learnt that God exists, and He will never leave nor forsake me. I have learnt to appreciate the smaller things in life, I have learnt that you don't know what you've got until its gone, I have learnt that when a situation is bad, it CAN actually get a whole lot worse, and Dear God it got worse, worse than i could have ever imagined. I'm thankful for the family around me, my very special friends, every one who from time to time just offered their ear to my endless stories & cursing. I'm thankful for my hobby, running, at some point it became one of the only fulfilling things in the hours between 0400hrs to 1700hrs. God has been good to me, I can never thank Him enough. 

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

His will never lead me where His grace cannot keep me

He will never leave nor forsake me

The Lord is my Shepherd

Tis the season to be jolly

So its been a long year, very long, not sure whether a great year, but lots happened, lots that one could have done without experiencing, & lots that one can only smile when thinking about them. Made new friends, had loads of fun with great people, when i think of this year, i want to smile, smile coz the moments shared with special people were frozen n kept in a special place, friends were discovered who will forever be treasured. It wasn't the greatest of years, but lets face it, i'm here i'm alive, i have people around me that love me to death, what more could i ask for.

I have people around me who constantly worry about me, people around me that constantly want to ensure that i'm smiling, honestly what more could i possibly ask for. I'm grateful, grateful for the very special people in my life. I smile everyday, not because my life is perfect, but because of the potential that lies ahead, because of the love i receive from the lovely people that surround me. The people who keep me grounded, they know themselves, u r forever treasured in my heart.

My pictures don't lie, they show a great year was had,  a year that despite all challenges, fun was had, special moments were shared, fun times were experienced. I thank God that despite all challenges, i'm still standing, I couldn't possibly have been here without His grace. My friends, they keep me sane, my son, makes me a crazy mom, my husband, allows me to learn everyday, my special parents, I love them  to bits. I am thankful to God that I still have those special beings in my life, they keep me grounded. God has been faithful...........

An Epic Weekend- A friend's wedding- Photos galore

So i had the most amazing weekend, I was part of something so beautiful, part of a great memory, part of a lovely friendship. It was a friend's wedding, a wedding that resulted in great new friendships being formed & reinforced old ones. The photos suggest that we looked like angels, we indeed felt like angels. We shared excitement, laughter, memories, we shared craziness too. It is 4 days later now & all we have are photos, a thousand photos, lovely memories, we made sure to capture every moment, never mind that there was a photographer assigned & paid to do that, we had to do our own photography, one that wd allow us to access the photos immediately & boy didn't we do it thoroughly. I'm sure we taught the hired photographer a thing or two about photoshoot, poor guy had to capture some of those crazy moments, i doubt he has had to capture such. Which leads me to the Ipad, i love that gadget, takes the worst photos when the lighting isn't good, but with good natural light, the gadget takes brilliant photos and the one thing i love the most is that u can take as many photos as u want without it needing that looooong turnaround time that ur normal camera will need, hence u're able to capture the important moments quickly. That gadget exchanged so many hands, yep, whenever we felt the need to have a moment captured with us in it, we just gladly handed it to someone and politely uttered the words "please take a photo of us, just click here, click as many times as possible", yeah, i'm kinda used to making such requests, the request is of course always accompanied by faith, faith that the person clicking actually knows where to focus, faith that the person clicking has actually included ur face in that photo, faith that the person's hands won't be shaking so that the photo is clear, yep it is always by faith.

One thing i'm happy about is being able to just be happy with my equally crazily happy friends without having to make excuses about it. Just pure clean fun, fooling around, no seriousness, just fun, relaxing, childlike fun. At first i'm sure those watching us were thinking, this can't be real, those ladies can't be seriously be sitting on the floor with their fancy dresses, wait a minute, yeeep, they r sitting allright, wait wait wait, that wasn't the worst of it, but slowly some of them joined us for our crazy photoshoot. The bride was happy to comply too, & boy didn't she just look amazing. You would actually be amazed how amazingly beautiful those photos r, unique yes, but definitely beautiful and on another level. forget the pout, forget the model like poses, this is just sheer brilliance. It is one thing to sit & recall the happenings of the weekend which of course lead to a smile, it is quite another being able to scroll through photos & actually relieve what actually took place over the weekend. Many joined us in our crazy photo sessions, one wd be lying if they said fun wasn't HAD. I'm thankful for a lovely weekend, a memorable weekend, my friend's wedding. 

Chemistry, or lack thereof.....

Have u ever not shared chemistry with someone, not clicked with them,not found any bit of anything in common with them & even if there was, what does it matter, the point is, u share no chemistry, u just can't stand them, their presence, their voice, their jokes, their aura...everything. What am i asking, of course u have. How do u deal with such situations? Do u force urself, do u manage to share a room with them, do u manage to force urself to laugh at their unfunny jokes, coz lets face it, when u don't click with someone, any jokes they attempt to share will never be funny. Does the problem lie with the person u don't share chemistry with or is it with u who shares no chemistry with them that has the problem? Is it easier to pretend? Can u pretend to laugh when deep down u really don't find the "funny"? Besides common courtesy of being polite to them, do u owe them anything beyond that? Should u force a friendship with someone u don't click with? Should u be blamed for not going further than demonstrate common courtesy to someone u feel u can never be friends with if called upon to do so? Should it take much effort to click with someone? Is there need for something to have happened to cause the lack of chemistry or is it possible for it to just be automatic? Mmmmhhhhh, ok clearly i don't have the answers. What i know is, it happens, sometimes the chemistry just isn't there.......U shouldn't have to force it, if its not there, it just isn't there.......

Friendships, laughter, the best medicine........

Do you ever take stock of the people you call friends, do you ever wonder if they value you as much as you value them, do you think you value your friends enough, do you have a criteria for choosing friends, what kind of behaviour do you look out for when considering being friends with someone, do you even have friends, or need them for that matter?????

Personally i’ve found that the easiest way to be friends with me is humour. Simple as that, if you lack it, let’s face it, we won't b friends. If you misunderstand my humour, it is that simple, we won't be friends, if I have to occasionally explain what I meant when I said something, clearly you don't understand me, we can’t be friends. Each time I've found myself being questioned about what I meant when I said something in social networks, I simply apologized, then unfollowed the person from my profile, so that I wouldn't be tempted to make the same mistake again.  Humour with me comes naturally. Once you possess humour, we can move on quite smoothly from there. After all, if we are to spend time together, there has got to be humour shared right, no matter how serious the situation is. Laughter makes the heart merry, laughter makes the world go round, laughter makes you forget about any drama that may surround you that has taken over your life, even if for a second, laughter soothes the soul. If you can have someone to share laughter with, someone who can make you laugh genuinely, someone whose jokes you sometimes recall & find yourself laughing to yourself, you have found a friend.

I do time & again find myself in situations where I have to respond, comment & unable to do so without being sarcastic, yet at the same time knowing very well that the person I have to respond to, won't get me or worse, take offence..... When this happens, if possible, I do turn to my friends for intervention to respond on my behalf & pray their wisdom will manage the situation. I do restrain myself time & again when faced with a serious situation. Rest assured though, if I have to restrain myself when responding, you r definitely NOT my friend.

Loyalties can come later, sharing memories can come later, but first & foremost if we can share laughter, we r truly on a road to a potentially great friendship....... Say cheers if you have a friend you know makes you laugh..........