Its that Time again- The Comrades Marathon 2015

I just received that dreaded email which basically confirms that It is that time of the year once again, the 31st of May is just 4 days away, the day for The Ultimate Human Race, the Comrades Marathon. The distance for the Uprun (Durban to Pietermaritzburg has been officially confirmed to be 87.72kms as opposed to the 89.28kms we ran last year, apparently this year is shorter than last year's distance, to me it all looks the same, the point still remains, there shall be pain, there shall be tears, there shall be horror. And this ladies & gentlemen will mark my first ever uprun.

The Month May ought to be the most horrific month for those runners taking part in the Big C. Everyone feels the need to share the countdown to the big day, everyone feels the need to share the horror stories, the negatives and a few positives here & there etc. No matter how hard u try to ignore it, it does catch up with u at times, u do experience those moments of weakness and doubt. Denial is the best part though because it allows you to just ignore everything around you and even lie to yourself on how the events of that day will unfold. When reality hits, you remember just how difficult the day is going to be, you find yourself praying away all the unknown factors that could possibly hinder your run.

At this point i am not sure whether it is even an advantage to have the experience of having run the race before, because the realities just hit you as hard. You know it will be tough, you know it won't be a walk in the park, you know you will feel pain, excruciating pain, you pray you don't fall sick during the run, you pray you don't collapse for one reason or another, you pray you don't cramp, you pray that all those horrific scenes you've witnessed happening around u during your previous runs do not actually happen to you because achieving that 12 hour finish on its own is a challenge.

I can't wait for the race to be over, so that one can function normally again, eat normally and have normal thoughts without having to worry about the big day everyday. I can't wait for the race to be over so i return to running without any goals in mind, just run to keep healthy and fit.

Receiving that confirmation email is basically a validation of the 5 months challenging training one has had to endure in a build up to the race. It is a ticket to the big day. It ends that denial process one has been in. I don't remember ever thinking that the race would be easy, but it seems each year the fear gets worse. The 5 months challenging training never leaves you the same, it builds your character, it teaches you priorities, it teaches you focus, it gets you new friends and unfortunately, inevitably many do get lost along the way too. Losing friends along the way is the confirmation that the priority is actually running, and not making friends. Bonds are strengthened when a run is shared with people with the same goals as you, bonds are strengthened when a run is shared with people who support you, bonds are strengthened when someone goes out of their way to assist you to take part in that long run or race etc. I've done some crazy runs in the last 5 months, the sort of runs i've never put myself through, the sort of runs that when i sit back and reminisce about, leave me smiling and even breaking out in laughter, ya, one surely got crazy this year. One thing for sure is,you can never put a runner's spirit down, i've learnt that where there is a will, a way surely shall always be found. Not everyone will support your goal, not everyone will support your victory, actually very few will support you, a majority will not, a majority will await your failure, the great thing about this is that it is the very thing that lifts your spirit, it is the very thing that picks you up when you are down and allows you to put more effort.

As we get closer to the day, my wish is to just have fun on the day. I pray for journey mercies and good health and great weather on the day. Getting to that start line will be surreal, hearing "Chariots of fire" will be special. While i cannot guarantee to get to that finish line, i sure as hell will do my best, and if i manage to pull that off, that will be just a cherry on top. May God be with us all taking part in the Comrades Marathon 2015 on Sunday, the 31st of May in Durban. 

Patience, Faith...........

Do you sometimes feel like God is taking too long to intervene, u feel as though u have reached that darkest hour hence morning must come sooner rather than later, u feel as though God's time perhaps isn't the most reasonable or convenient time, u feel as though u have had enough and an intervention should take place immediately.....

Do you believe that gold must pass through fire to shine, do you believe that every story of greatness has its hardships, do you believe that hardships shape greatness. Do you know that strength does not come from winning, but rather developed by your struggles? When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. Adversity shapes your character, clarifies your priorities and defines your path and can also fuel your greatness.

Every great story starts from humble beginnings, no great story results from a smooth ride, no great story involves winning all the time, no great story involves certainty on way forward. Every great story involves a certain level of uncertainty about the future and a loss of control resulting in surrendering to the unknown. 

Have a little faith, they say, things will come right, they say, things are never as bad as they seem, they say, time heals all wounds, they say. Do you ever believe those statements? Do you think God just enjoys seeing you suffer just for the sake of it, Do you believe that God actually has the master plan for your life. Do you believe that morning does indeed come after the darkest hour? Do you believe that by going through whatever you are going through, you actually inspire someone else to be able to face something similar, that your hardship gives someone else hope that things do come right in the end?????

Often times we find ourselves thinking that God isn't listening anymore, we think we are alone, sometimes we even think we are faced with unique problems. I do not have the answers, i am merely wondering...... What i know though is that the God we serve is a mighty God, and will never leave nor forsake us. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning

My Son, a reminder that God is at work

You see when i look at him now, i get confused, i get mixed feelings, i am overwhelmed with gratitude, at the great wonders of God, at how He can just turn a situation around. One day while going about my business, oblivious to how that day would end, I was 7 months pregnant, woke up, went about my business, didn't feel too well, drove myself to the clinic in Mbabane, some 35kms away, drove back to home in Manzini after being cleared by a nurse since i didn't find my doctor that day, by the time i got home i felt terribly unwell, requested to be driven to another clinic in Manzini, a clinic i had never even been to before. Got there, in hardly 10 minutes i was rushed into the delivery room because lo & behold, i was in labour. When the Doctor told me "the baby is coming", i thought to myself, how??? Just yesterday i was telling people that i'll deliver in 2 months, and now i'm in the delivery room, how???? I couldn't even fathom the condition of the baby at that point, neither could the doctor because he had never attended to me before so everything he was hearing about my situation was for the first time, all he could do was deliver the baby and hope for the best, hope that what i'm saying that i'm 33 weeks pregnant, is actually accurate, but the main point was, they couldn't stop the baby from coming. At this point i had bought nothing for the baby, literally nothing, because hey, i was due in 2 MONTHS..... The baby was born, at 2kgs, the tiniest baby i had ever encountered and yes he was my baby, i couldn't run away from him. To this day i cannot forget how tiny he was, at that point your hope is basically placed on your faith and the doctor's hands. After delivery it took me some goood many hours to even tell my friends that i was in hospital and that i had given birth already, because i couldn't believe what had just happened between waking up that Saturday morning and that afternoon. 

We stayed in hospital for a month............ I look at him now, i honestly i cannot forget where we come from, sometimes tears fill my eyes. Yes i look at him, the way he is so naughty, the way i am already considering taking him to creche because at the rate he is going, i swear my helper is going to run away from me. The point i am making is, God never fails. I have seen Him at work, i see Him at work. Whenever i look at Zawadi Amukelwe Jackson Motsa, i know God is at work.

Pre Race Anxiety

I hate the week before race, honestly, i almost can't recognize myself during that week. U can't really train as  hard as u normally do, or rather sometimes u shdn't even train at all, if u do, u do it minimally, so u wake up and just feel useless. On top of that u just crave for everything under the sun, the junk, the food, the sweet drinks, everything u are NOT supposed to take. And then suddenly u feel sick, sometimes u feel like u r coming down with a flu, sometimes a fever, you just can never put your finger on it. Then the injuries. Suddenly every niggle u've ever felt, feels like its real, suddenly u even feel like u r limping and hurting and not sure whether it is real or just in your head, yes sometimes even the back starts hurting, something u have never experienced before. Add on to the that the negativity around u, people going to the same race as u, also worried about the same things, worried about whether they'll make it, or whether they are well enough to take on the race, and that just throws you off completely. Ah yes, the week before a race, i can never get used to that anxiety. But as usual, i'm always joyous, smiling, as if "I know what i'm doing", as if i'm saying "I've got this", yet deep down, i am burning in anxiety, in deep worry, i even wonder sometimes "how do i get myself into such predicaments?".............. Right now i am supposed to do this thing they call hydrating, i hate drinking water, in this case i have to drink only water and not my normal fizzy drinks. It tastes like feet, i hate it, but yes if experts say hydrate, who am i to say no..... Then they also say you must carbo- load.... I don't mind carbo-loading, if what they mean by that is that i shd eat anything i want...... Ahhhhhhhhh i hate pre race week

The hand of God at work... Blessings!!!

Its been a while... I guess i've been too busy doing damage control in this thing called life. Yet somehow i've come out of it stronger and highly motivated, I have seen the hand of God at work, i have witnessed His grace, I have pulled through... Had a rough phase between the months of September to December. Those I was in contact with got to hear of it, and kept motivating me to press on, be patient as they would say. I wasn't willing to spend any more time feeling sorry for myself, walking out seemed a better option, especially when you spend your day in an environment which constantly pulls you down and leaves no room for you to breath and appreciate the goodness of life. It became a battle of surviving a day, then a week, then a month........ This isn't what one spent their lifetime dreaming that their adult life would be like.... 2015 came with new hope, and great beginnings. Through this experience I have learnt that God exists, and He will never leave nor forsake me. I have learnt to appreciate the smaller things in life, I have learnt that you don't know what you've got until its gone, I have learnt that when a situation is bad, it CAN actually get a whole lot worse, and Dear God it got worse, worse than i could have ever imagined. I'm thankful for the family around me, my very special friends, every one who from time to time just offered their ear to my endless stories & cursing. I'm thankful for my hobby, running, at some point it became one of the only fulfilling things in the hours between 0400hrs to 1700hrs. God has been good to me, I can never thank Him enough. 

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

His will never lead me where His grace cannot keep me

He will never leave nor forsake me

The Lord is my Shepherd

Tis the season to be jolly

So its been a long year, very long, not sure whether a great year, but lots happened, lots that one could have done without experiencing, & lots that one can only smile when thinking about them. Made new friends, had loads of fun with great people, when i think of this year, i want to smile, smile coz the moments shared with special people were frozen n kept in a special place, friends were discovered who will forever be treasured. It wasn't the greatest of years, but lets face it, i'm here i'm alive, i have people around me that love me to death, what more could i ask for.

I have people around me who constantly worry about me, people around me that constantly want to ensure that i'm smiling, honestly what more could i possibly ask for. I'm grateful, grateful for the very special people in my life. I smile everyday, not because my life is perfect, but because of the potential that lies ahead, because of the love i receive from the lovely people that surround me. The people who keep me grounded, they know themselves, u r forever treasured in my heart.

My pictures don't lie, they show a great year was had,  a year that despite all challenges, fun was had, special moments were shared, fun times were experienced. I thank God that despite all challenges, i'm still standing, I couldn't possibly have been here without His grace. My friends, they keep me sane, my son, makes me a crazy mom, my husband, allows me to learn everyday, my special parents, I love them  to bits. I am thankful to God that I still have those special beings in my life, they keep me grounded. God has been faithful...........

An Epic Weekend- A friend's wedding- Photos galore

So i had the most amazing weekend, I was part of something so beautiful, part of a great memory, part of a lovely friendship. It was a friend's wedding, a wedding that resulted in great new friendships being formed & reinforced old ones. The photos suggest that we looked like angels, we indeed felt like angels. We shared excitement, laughter, memories, we shared craziness too. It is 4 days later now & all we have are photos, a thousand photos, lovely memories, we made sure to capture every moment, never mind that there was a photographer assigned & paid to do that, we had to do our own photography, one that wd allow us to access the photos immediately & boy didn't we do it thoroughly. I'm sure we taught the hired photographer a thing or two about photoshoot, poor guy had to capture some of those crazy moments, i doubt he has had to capture such. Which leads me to the Ipad, i love that gadget, takes the worst photos when the lighting isn't good, but with good natural light, the gadget takes brilliant photos and the one thing i love the most is that u can take as many photos as u want without it needing that looooong turnaround time that ur normal camera will need, hence u're able to capture the important moments quickly. That gadget exchanged so many hands, yep, whenever we felt the need to have a moment captured with us in it, we just gladly handed it to someone and politely uttered the words "please take a photo of us, just click here, click as many times as possible", yeah, i'm kinda used to making such requests, the request is of course always accompanied by faith, faith that the person clicking actually knows where to focus, faith that the person clicking has actually included ur face in that photo, faith that the person's hands won't be shaking so that the photo is clear, yep it is always by faith.

One thing i'm happy about is being able to just be happy with my equally crazily happy friends without having to make excuses about it. Just pure clean fun, fooling around, no seriousness, just fun, relaxing, childlike fun. At first i'm sure those watching us were thinking, this can't be real, those ladies can't be seriously be sitting on the floor with their fancy dresses, wait a minute, yeeep, they r sitting allright, wait wait wait, that wasn't the worst of it, but slowly some of them joined us for our crazy photoshoot. The bride was happy to comply too, & boy didn't she just look amazing. You would actually be amazed how amazingly beautiful those photos r, unique yes, but definitely beautiful and on another level. forget the pout, forget the model like poses, this is just sheer brilliance. It is one thing to sit & recall the happenings of the weekend which of course lead to a smile, it is quite another being able to scroll through photos & actually relieve what actually took place over the weekend. Many joined us in our crazy photo sessions, one wd be lying if they said fun wasn't HAD. I'm thankful for a lovely weekend, a memorable weekend, my friend's wedding.